It's true! It's true!

Because I have made little or no effort to ingratiate myself into the New York fashion & media world so far, bar obediently trotting off to a few parties and launches, and drinking the odd cocktail at the Gramercy or Soho House, I haven't really socialised with that many 30-something female New Yorkers, and those that I had met seemed pleasant enough in a work setting.

One always reads in the media about how desperate women in this city are to pin down a suitable marriage partner & babyfather, but it always seems so exaggerated. However, it's always fun to be able to do a David Attenborough (watch people in their native habitat), & last night I got my chance at a big dinner, sitting at a table with a group of late 20's - mid 30's single women. And oh my god, it's all true. These women, a very socially mixed bunch, seemed deranged. They talked about their dating habits, their dating rules (exact, set in stone time frames for calls/emails/kissing/sex), how they tracked guys down (tortuously), scoped out pre-vetted particular venues for 'suitable' partners, discussed at what age they should start thinking about sperm donation so that they could meet their Ultimate Goal, & talked about their bizarre requirements in men - even down to (and I really thought this was an urban myth), checking out which watch men wore to assess potential wealth/status. I was utterly gob-smacked. No wonder men here can't be arsed to be in relationships if women make it such hard work, and demand status/wealth and a billion other attributes from their putative partners. (Although I can see that men here can be equally psycho in their behaviour.)

When did all get so bloody complicated? Now I get why there are so many dating manuals originating out of New York. The English model (well, the one I & my friends follow) is starting to seem so much more simple.

It usually works like this: Go to party/pub/supper. Have a few drinks. Snog random interesting boy. (Generally considered to be a down payment on a shag at some point). Meet up a few days later, after lots of SMS/emails. Supper. Few more drinks. If you still fancy each other, go home to shag. Then either never speak again or fall into relationship. If latter, immediately eschew all other male/female options. (This rule generally applies to affaires too.) Failure to comply results in instant dismissal. Male subject wld preferably be able to pay the bills, & not live in fear of the bailiffs, but Patek Philippes, shiny motors & luxe pads are strictly optional.

The complexities of New York dating are enough to make me want to crawl under a rock and stay there.