Gah

God I’m in a staggeringly bad mood today. I wasn’t going to bother blogging, but then I thought, I know some people think I live a charmed life: New York, fashion, etc, etc and they would be right to a certain extent that my life here is pretty damn good, but that doesn’t mean everything works out all of the time, & maybe I should blog when I am hot, cross & bothered.

I KNOW, and count my blessings every day, that I lead a life that is not what many people consider to be the norm. Most of all, my life and my work are interchangeable. I don’t work to live.

But that doesn’t mean that I am Pollyanna, all hoppity, skippity, beaming rays of sunshine. I’ve got PMS, my dog is still ill, & my new job is still so caught up in a mire of paperwork and other people’s schedules that I am starting to despair of it ever actually happening.

I’ve been hanging in limbo for nearly a month now, waiting for it all to kick off, and if I wait much longer other, not quite so exciting, but definitely interesting & well paid, freelance opportunities are going to slip out of my grasp. I’m running the risk that I will have no work at all, and that scares the beejesus out or me. Being freelance means that you are always balanced on the knife edge of feast or famine , & if I have to keep waiting I’m going to start lurching towards famine. And that’s what’s making me so appallingly grumpy right now.

It’s like someone is holding the most beautiful couture frock in the world, made precisely to my measurements, just in front of my nose & swinging it there on a hanger but not letting me wear the bloody thing.