Milan Ready to Wear Collections: The Inside Story Part Four

Did I mention the waiting? The endless waiting for shows to start? And how much everyone bar the newspapers & websites who need continuous streams of civilian-friendly copy, LOATHE celebrities at fashion shows? They are always late and hold up the shows, in turn making editors late for their next appointments. And whose anally retentive, built like a brick shithouse bodyguards always manage to tread on poor editor toes or send ickle twiglets flying with a careless elbow in the after show rush for the two exits (think camels through eye of needle).

Darling we are fashion editors, as if we cared about stupid Beyonce. Actually of course everyone wants to get a good look at her but it's professional death to show any interest whatsoever. Personally, I say thank god for the people-watching. It's the only thing that stops me from getting RSI from pecking away at my Blackberry.

The reason we are all so busy is because we don't just attend the shows: there are the hellish meetings called re-sees. These do what they say on the tin: not only do you have to endure the pastel pailette horror of the Armani mainline show* but you then have to pitch up again at the showroom in the arse end fo nowhere to look through rooms of blah (not just the runway pieces, but all the accessories, jools, bags, swimwear, knickers etc) making nodding gestures and lying through your teeth about how much you like it.

So an average day might have 8 shows and eight re-sees. You just don't stop. I spend my entire time scrolling through Google Maps on my BlackBerry in solitary splendour in the back of my car working out if I have time to fit in the show of a minor advertiser on the other side of town or another re-see appointment or, hopefully, a trip to the Marni Outlet out in the South East – where every single editor goes during the week, preferably the day they arrive &, as mentioned, before the Japanese Marni-obsessive editor hordes descend. (Think locusts.)

*(99% of fashion people secretly ABHOR Armani but we have to a) shoot it because of the advertising and b) go to the shows as the Armani publicists are shameless about harassing you continually if you don't turn up to the sodding show)