I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!

I am stumped, stumped I tell you over what to wear right now. Quite apart from the unseasonal weather (it's 17C here and raining, as opposed to the normal hot & sunny June climate), all my clothes are out of date.

The summer I moved to New York, (2007) was the second year of floaty, tent like smocks and I wafted blissfully around Manhattan. Heels don’t work with smocks (wrong proportions), so I wore primary coloured ballerines & flat sandals everyday which suited me fine as I was dating a laid back guy in Brooklyn and walking everywhere.

Last summer I was busy being important, and breakfast, lunch and dinner-ing my way around the city. Smocks were pretty much dead in the water and, whilst they may have been get away-able with in the East Village, they certainly weren’t going to cut it in the fashion corridors of power, so I invested in armfuls of light silk summer frocks (bought on-line) and the kind of fashion forward vertiginous heels which aren’t a problem when you have fleets of Town Cars at your disposal.

But because I was either at a work dinner or at my desk until past 10pm most nights, and most summer weekends were spent in the office (I even missed my best friend’s wedding, curse you ex-editor-in-chief), I didn’t have the time or inclination to bother buying any casual summer clothes.

Which could be regarded as a mistake, seeing as I am now back on a writer’s salary, those lovely silk frocks are akin to crumpled & faded dishrags after a summer of dripping humidity and repeated dry cleaning and my everyday clothes are now three years out of date.

I want to go shopping, really I do. But there’s an added curve ball, quite apart from my lean bank account. My chest appears to have taken on a life of its own. My previous list of all the clothes I cannot wear owing to disproportional breast size has now grown to just about everything in the shops.

I am fresh out of ideas as to what to wear. Believe me, I've looked everywhere. And there's nothing that fits my shape out there. God only knows what normal women with big breasts do for on-trend dressing who don't have my professional's laser shopping eye.

Right now, I’m living in navy blue 5” leg shorts with a navy long sleeve crisp cotton top, sleeves pushed up, worn with red wedges, & some rolled up leg jeans (this shows my desperation – I NEVER wear jeans) which I wear out with silk blouses & very high heels, and well, that’s about it.

I have a date tonight and have absolutely no idea what to wear. I can hardly turn up to The Setai in short shorts & wedge sandals, and all my dresses from last year aren’t just knackered, they’re too light & waaaay too short for the current unseasonal (rainy) weather.

Bugger.